Your hairs are the waves of an angry sea; it tosses, it turns, it does not sleep. It blows with the sand in the breeze and carries voices like sound waves through the air. Your eyes are silk, and your lips, a snowflake… Intricate, delicate… a pale design. Your skin is a fragile soul so affected by reality; It fractures like jagged rust, like my dream, it lays untouched. I dream about just holding you.

A lucid dream, undreamt, but wanting…Waiting to be conceived into light, walking into the arms of darkness, your shadow blinds me. My mind, in its most dangerous state of half sleep, wanders all the way from logic to love and back again.

My fantasies are a beach of black sand and grey skies framed with white waves breaking. Was that a dream, or a tattered memory? I can’t decide. Your affection is a fossil without blood in its veins, I wonder if your heart has ever bled. Rejection turns to odors that invades my nostrils and burns my eyes tearless. Yet I can’t smell it. It excites me beyond your knowledge. My attempts are emotionally-stricken words carved into the sand, that goes unnoticed by the waves numerous attempts to scratch them out. Not even my dreams can capture such beautiful imperfection.

Another full moon and I can’t sleep. My infatuation is a cool breeze, falling leaves and an empty beach with sand the color of your hair and skies deeper then the sea. My heart is the earth;

P.S., you are a smooth surface of water on a calm day.

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If there were any words in this world that could summarize my entire love life, this would be it. Every joy, heart break, every bit of rejection and regret. Yet there is this person who comes and is so perfect I have a hard time telling if I am dreaming or if I am awake. I wrote this poem about a year ago and never gave second thought about it. I was over my last boyfriend far before then, and b last I mean it. I have been single for about to years now. f course there have been those trivial dates that ended with the "so we'll talk later", which of course... they never do. Or the guys who say "I'm just looking to hang out" which usually translates into "I want meaningless sex". I guess I'd given up on guys, or rather, I'd begin to use my studies as an excuse to avoid guys. There were, of course, the occasional dates that seemed like they would escalate to more but wold always lead to intermittent conversations that would dwindle down to not talking at all. Maybe this isn't the right time I thought... not the right time.

So I've been talking to this guy online for a while. At first, I thought this isn't going to lead to anything, he seems indifferent. I was so attracted to this guy and would always tell myself, if you give up now, you'll never know. So the casual conversations continued. We exchange a few messages here and there, which lead to more messages here and there, and before I knew it, we were messaging each other back and fourth.

He suggested that maybe we could hang out one day. The thought of this enlivened something in me that i hadn't felt since I was a teenager. But then again... I reminded myself that sometimes "let's hang out" means something totally different. As I continued to read the message, I was assured that let's hang out meant nothing more then literally hanging out.

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Yesterday, had had the best date of my life... I'm still not sure if it was a date or not. Any-who, I had finally met him... finally met Stevie. My heart was a jackhammer inside my thin just. Not only could I feel the palpitations... I could hear them. My palms felt let I had been carrying wet fish all day. Not to sound puerile, he was just too cute. He had a proportionately perfect thin frame, about 2 inches shorter then me. His skin was a milky, buttery, shade of tan, that was adorned with bits of hair on his visible arms and legs, which made him that much more manly. He wore a back cap that tamed this darkish brownish-black hair that contrasted his eyes, which always masqueraded between these shades of greens and greys. He had this little nose, that any granny would love to pinch, and these lips looked innocent.

After eating PotBelly's, a sandwich place we had eaten at downtown, we went on a walk to the lake. We had walked almost as far as navy pier before sitting on the grass by the lake to talk. The fogged danced off the water and climbed the thin black buildings, silhouetting the blue Chicago sky. The wind brushed against my cheeks, and the sun bounced of the lenses of my glasses as I stared at Stevie, trying not to be so conspicuous. In my head, I begin to recite a verse of something that had seemed so familiar to me, yet so new. 'Your hairs are the waves of an angry sea; it tosses, it turns, it does not sleep. It blows with the sand in the breeze and carries voices like sound waves through the air. Your eyes are silk, and you lips, a snowflake… Intricate, delicate… a pale design. Your skin is a fragile soul so affected by reality; It fractures like jagged rust, like my dream, it lays untouched'.

Through conversation, I could see myself with this person. But I wonder, was i just being mindless in my attraction for this guy, deceived by his beauty and sophistication, or is there really an affinity between us. I had been so use to being aloof that I was having difficulty deciphering the messages that we had been transmitting between each other.

We begin to walk again, this time back to the cluttered streets, proximated by the tall buildings we had just left. We talked more as we went. He had a very urbane, and suave demeanor in the way he spoke; so simple, yet so witty. He made me smile, lips stretching from ear to ear. We went to H&M, a clothing store downtown, didn't buy anything, and went to get Ice cream at cold stone. There was an awkward moment of silent as we sat finishing our ice cream. I couldn't help but look into his face and smile. I felt embarrassed as I complimented his eyes. I was sure I wasn't the only person to tell him this and felt so stupid for being trite.

I wiped the smudges from my glasses as we walked back toward the Metra station. He told me i was cute without me glasses. I wish I had actually took the time that morning to put in my contact lenses, but then again, I feel more at home when I have on my glasses... it's the nerd in me. When we got to our destination there we stopped; we were back in the same place we had started in. Still unsure if this was a date or not... still in my mind it was, I opted to be safe and hugged him goodbye. We hugged each other tightly, it was what I call a real hug. Wow, it's over, this is it, now what?

He broke the silence, asking me if I wanted to hang out with him again next Wednesday... this time at the beach. I kept my excitement internal as I nodded. I wanted to hug him again, but I didn't. We parted. I blinked. Just as quickly as it started... it was over. 4 hours had elapsed from the time we said hello to the time we said goodbye and yet, it felt like only a minute.

As soon as I got home, my head hit the pillow. I drifted in and out of sleep. The mixture of exhaustion from the four hours of walking and excitement of having been asked out again for wednesday had me humming another familiar verse; 'Another full moon and I can’t sleep. My infatuation is a cool breeze, falling leaves and an empty beach with sand the color of your hair and skies deeper then the sea. My heart is the earth; P.S. you are a smooth surface of water on a calm day'.

I hope this leads to something more.